Double Negative: seeking my elusive identity in film

In Double Negative, I reflect on my identity through film photography. I was born in Kuching, Sarawak on Borneo island. My father is Malaysian of Jaffna Tamil extraction and my mother is English from Uxbridge, London. I spent many years learning the classical Indian dance form of Bharatanatyam but I do not speak Tamil. I am, however, fluent in French. Having left Malaysia for Vancouver at the age of 4, I have grown up in Canada. This series consists of 6 self-portraits made from pairs of film negatives in which I place my figure in a ‘sandwich’ with objects that allude to specific aspects of my identity. I have selected a signifying object for each of these aspects: French - Dictionnaire Larousse (Larousse French Dictionary), Indian - Salangai (Bharatanatyam ankle bells), Canadian - Point Blanket (Hudson Bay trading blanket), Malaysian - Siti Dewi (Malay wayang kulit puppet), Sarawakian - Ajat (Rattan Basket of the nomadic Penan of Borneo), English - Red Rose (The English rose).

In each image, the figure anticipates and interacts with the form and texture of the object. I use minimal facial expression, relying on gesture and pose to create a relationship between the figure and the signifying object. While, each shot was framed and exposed precisely, the images of the ‘double negative’ series are in many ways unexpected. When I was editing the digital scans of the pairs of negatives, my symbolism gained a very personal meaning. The compromises I had to make in aspects of the image like, colour balance and exposure, echoed the frustration I have felt in confronting the conflicts of the different aspects of myself. My identity is an enigma. It is part of me, and yet, I have always been aware of the separation of its various aspects. I have often found myself lost when asked questions about my ethnicity, culture, religion, language and nationality. The Double Negative series is an exploration and expression of my incomplete understanding of who I am.

(2018)