Double Negative: Seeking My Elusive Identity in Film

My identity is an enigma. It is part of me, and yet, I have always been aware of the separation of its various aspects. I have found myself lost when asked questions about my ethnicity, culture, religion, language, and nationality. Double Negative: Seeking My Elusive Identity in Film is an exploration and expression of my understanding of who I am.

I was born in Kuching, Sarawak, on Borneo island, to a Malaysian father of Jaffna Tamil extraction and an English mother from Uxbridge, London. Having left Malaysia for Canada at age four, I grew up in Vancouver; attending French Immersion School and learning the classical Indian dance form of Bharatanatyam. 

Double Negative is a series of six self-portraits made from pairs of sandwiched large-format negatives. I juxtapose my figure with objects that allude to aspects of my identity, relying on gesture and pose to create a relationship between myself and the signifying object. Although each shot is framed and exposed precisely, the resulting ‘double’ images are in many ways unexpected. Through scanning and processing the pairings of negatives, the work gained a very personal meaning for me. The compromises I made in colour balance, exposure, and other aspects of the image, echo the frustration I have felt in reconciling the facets of my identity. 

(2018)

Double Negative was exhibited alongside artist Mahen Bala at the Avant Garde Gallery in Toronto on October 17th to 19th, 2025, as a part of Faces of Malaysia, curated by Su Yen Chong and Sandy Chan. Faces of Malaysia was generously supported by the High Commission of Malaysia, Ottawa.